Tomorrow

The last few weeks we've been riding that roller coaster again. This year with a bit different kind of flair. One day a body was found outside my office and while we are standing there wondering my (for all intents purpose) boss says she has given notice. Bob is in the middle of his job season and I'm now questioning mine. I can't imagine this office without her, no one can. I want her to be happy, I hope she'll not become to busy to want to visit, to grab coffee, to hug my kids. Slowly parts of her leave the office, the dishes, a table, some decor. Her knowledge, her even temper and thoughtfulness will all be greatly missed. I admire her so much and I hope she knows how much I will miss her. Without her, I wouldn't have had my job the first time let alone this second time. 

Three! And so much more.

Sometimes it takes me longer to post because I feel the need to make it more meaningful, or I want it to be more than just pictures. I want to reflect. I want to gather my thoughts but then when I find a minute, the thought has departed. 

Violet is 3. Three years ago a tiny, needy baby cried and snuggled against us, fell asleep on us, peed on us. Three years later she pees in the toilet, refuses to sleep, cries almost as much, but still loves to snuggle. She tests us and pushes buttons. She drives me up the wall already, but her blond curls, sweet laugh and hugs continue to change my world. 

More growing up

Violet had her 3rd birthday. We ha a conversation like this 2 days a go. 

Me: what do you want to be? (While reading Violet the Pilot)

V: a cat

Me: No, not for Halloween

V: when I grow up like you and daddy?

Me: yes when you are a grown up, what will you want to do or be?

V: I don't know, we'll have to wait and see I guess. 

Birthday pictures soon. 

Burgh

Liam returns to his birthplace. 

Little dinosaur

Our little dinosaur meets a big dinosaur. 

One week

I made it through my first week back at work! Not that my job is hard, I love it, but it is non stop and then the insanity of returning home... Liam is taking a bottle, but naps are still off. Violet is so tired she is in tears for her nap some days. We'll find our groove, I hope!

One month!

We've been in our house one month! We have a few boxes in the basement, but are settled and overflowing. It's good to be back and I start my old job again on Monday!

State Fair

This year we went in the morning, it was great but it meant less family could join. 

Ah these moments!

Violet is very trying but still makes us laugh. 

Hey V, look at the mountains out your window.  "Mommy, they have paint on them!"

She loved eggplant Parmesan and asked for more. When finished she told us she was ready for pie. When it was dished up she ate all her whipped cream and then asked, when pointing to the pie, "What's this?"

Lately she's been asking where we got Liam and when I answer with, "hospital" she asks why. 

The other morning she told me she was born to be an elephant. 

At breakfast she asks,"So what are we going to do today?" At dinner she asks, "How was your day?"

When is your birthday? "I don't know" is it in October? "No it's in Rocktober"

Whew talking about her pajama short pants that we're keeping her awake, "these aren't working"

When hosting a garage sale Violet was going up to everyone and asking, "what's your name?" Most people responded. 

"Mommy you can use my toilet seat, you have a small bum like me"

Crying at night, I go into her room to ask what is wrong. "It hurts my feelings when you leave."

I can't make this up. 

Comfortable?

Moving

For the last 3 months we've been out "at the farm". While I look forward to my little house in "the city" I will miss the view and the peace. 

Our tiny house

3 months from leaving Pittsburgh for what we thought was the summer, we are back in our little house. There is either a gravitational pull or we are rubber bands. Salem to Davis to Salem to Pittsburgh to Salem. I will say I am tired of moving, tired of saving boxes. Let's hope this is it. 

Things I'll miss

Things I'll miss in Pittsburgh:

The friends we made

Museums - science, children's and history mostly. The dinosaur bones and model train set were our favorites. 

JCC 

Walking to playgrounds and the bakery. 

ICAN ladies

Libraries

Maybe even the snow. Some of it some time. 

Blue slide park

Veggie dogs at Dee's

Matza soup from the deli

Whole foods (yes these are everywhere, but not 2miles, 30 now!)

Mom's group - weekly play times and the monthly

Target's covered parking

Pierogies 

Old buildings

What I won't miss

Traffic

Ticks

Not being able to bike

Humidity in the summer

Noise from traffic

The price and difficulty to buy beer

Lack of good pizza

Lack of good Mexican food

What I am not

I am not cut out to be a full time mom. I could fake it with Violet last fall. I had a gym with childcare 4 days a week, a library day and a moms group. Now with two, I struggle to make it out of the house between naps. I struggle to be nice and to be happy. I love my babies, but being with them always is making me not so nice. I also struggle to admit this and to ask for help. I look forward to returning to part time work and I know I will miss my littles, but I hope it helps all of us be nice and happy again. 

To those of you full timers, I salute you. 

Over 2 months

We've now been back here just over 2 months. 

We spent the last 10 days in Sunriver and had an amazing time. 

We also have big news! We get to stay in Oregon. Bob took a position at Western Oregon. Things are complicated, but he'll go back to pack our stuff at the end of the month. My job with the state may come back in temporary form and we have a renter in our house. Lots of changes to absorb but we are excited and relieved. 

6 months ago

I'm sorry this post has taken me so long. 

6 months ago (and a few days) we called our dear friends for a visit and learned one of them was having heart surgery. We took V over and spent an evening with them. We chatted and snacked and he played blocks with V. We hugged and wished him a speedy recovery. He went into surgery on the 23rd just before Christmas. We thought it was a routine surgery but there were complications and a second surgery. His organs began to fail. His kids traveled back home to be with him. He did not wake back up. We grieved for him, for his family. The party after his funeral was full of joy, singing and dancing. 

It was almost easy to forget it all happened since we were 2500 miles away. But now that we are back I feel I am grief stricken again. 

The fall

At the end of April, I fell down the stairs carrying Liam. It was your worst nightmare come true. Every parent fears dropping their baby, but I did. 

I slipped and fell hitting my mid back and tailbone and sliding down at least 4 steps. Liam was in my arms in a swaddle wrap. It unfolded like a yoyo as I frantically grabbed for him. 

Violet was downstairs and I'd gone up to get Liam as he woke from nap. He was already crying. I called 911, sobbing and gasping from the wind being knocked out of me. Then I called Bob. The first responders barely beat him home he rode so quickly to get to us and called a neighbor to watch Violet. They decided to transport me and have Bob drive Liam to be checked out. My first ambulance ride ever. By the time I had X-rays, a bump developed on Liam's head and they wanted to scan him. I couldn't feed him, he was crying, hungry and tired and pinning him down for X-rays was so hard. Then they wanted to send us over to Childrens Hospital, CHP, and did. After a two hour wait, I had my second ambulance ride. Once there they drew blood and put a spinal collar on Liam. They found me a pump and eventually we tried to bottle feed him because breastfeeding a baby with a collar is nearly an act of contortion. They gave him a line for iv, and hooked him up for an EKG. We now knew we'd be staying the night for observation. We waited. By 6pm we headed to our room and then Bob went to get Violet. I ordered dinner. We waited until after 8 for his collar to be removed. 

Friends and neighbors brought food and the generosity was amazing. 

Liam and I seem to have healed although I will replay the fall over and over. I'll probably need therapy to not feel guilty my whole life. Tomorrow we head to OHSU as a follow up, but I hope there are no more X-rays or ambulance trips any time soon. 

Over a month

We've been home for over a month now (at least the kids and I). I can't believe how fast it had gone. Sometimes I feel like we've seen and done a lot and other times I fear time is going too fast and I can't squeeze everything in this summer. 

Liam has his check up next week for his head. He is still super fussy and eliminating dairy didn't help so I've added it back in. I guess we're going he grows out of this soon, but I hate to wish away his sweet infant time too. 

Violet amuses us daily with things she will do and be when bigger. Last night she said she has smooth skin but she'll have whiskers like papa when bigger. She starts swim lessons Tuesday and I'm excited for her. 

More conversations with a toddler

Me:next week we are going to a big pool and have swimming lessons, a swimming school. 

V: and you'll come with me?

Me:yes, but on the first day I'll swim with you and on the second day you'll swim with other kids and a teacher because you are so big now. 

V: I'm big enough to learn to drive the car!

Me: On Wednesday you'll go to gramee's and stay the whole night!

V: that is a good idea. 

Later

Me:remember next week we are going to swimming school. (Swim lessons)

V: And I can bring my bath toys!

Me: I don't think so. 

V: that is not a good idea. 

A lake day