I saw him sitting there, but I didn't want to believe it was him. He was bent over in a chair and looked so small. My grandpa has Alzheimers and he has for a while, but now he is slowly dying. I see my grandma more often, probably because it is easier, but it had been a couple weeks since I visited him. So we went into the dining room, sat down next to him, and tried to get him to drink a protein shake. He is down to 125 lbs, his skin is dry and bleeds easily, his hair is almost gone. Sometimes he answers you when you ask him a question, but mostly he is quiet. The room had nurses running around and other people eating, but he was by himself. I was aware of everything around me and knew this isn't what anyone should go through. He drank the strawberry shake for me only because i kept asking over and over while Bob tried to just tell him things we were doing because we can't sit there in silence. I teared up several times as I am now. Where is the strong man who always had engine grease under his fingernails? The man who told us to go play in the freeway when we were little (lovingly of course and we thought this was hilarious), who smoked until he had a heart attack (even a triple bi-pass 20 years ago didn't slow him down much), who sucked on cough drops like they were candy? Where is the man that told us if we were behaving we weren't having any fun? I hate this disease and I feel for my grandma more than anything. It is hard on me to see him like this, but she sees him everyday and sits with him even if he doesn't say anything. When we left him back in his room and told him grandma would be there soon, I had to be okay that it might be goodbye.
We lost my mom's real dad to cancer when I was in high school, long enough ago to forget how hard it is. These caring individuals are there for you from the beginning and it is hard to think of life without them, hard to remind yourself as you grow up, they grow old.