6 months ago

I'm sorry this post has taken me so long. 

6 months ago (and a few days) we called our dear friends for a visit and learned one of them was having heart surgery. We took V over and spent an evening with them. We chatted and snacked and he played blocks with V. We hugged and wished him a speedy recovery. He went into surgery on the 23rd just before Christmas. We thought it was a routine surgery but there were complications and a second surgery. His organs began to fail. His kids traveled back home to be with him. He did not wake back up. We grieved for him, for his family. The party after his funeral was full of joy, singing and dancing. 

It was almost easy to forget it all happened since we were 2500 miles away. But now that we are back I feel I am grief stricken again. 

The fall

At the end of April, I fell down the stairs carrying Liam. It was your worst nightmare come true. Every parent fears dropping their baby, but I did. 

I slipped and fell hitting my mid back and tailbone and sliding down at least 4 steps. Liam was in my arms in a swaddle wrap. It unfolded like a yoyo as I frantically grabbed for him. 

Violet was downstairs and I'd gone up to get Liam as he woke from nap. He was already crying. I called 911, sobbing and gasping from the wind being knocked out of me. Then I called Bob. The first responders barely beat him home he rode so quickly to get to us and called a neighbor to watch Violet. They decided to transport me and have Bob drive Liam to be checked out. My first ambulance ride ever. By the time I had X-rays, a bump developed on Liam's head and they wanted to scan him. I couldn't feed him, he was crying, hungry and tired and pinning him down for X-rays was so hard. Then they wanted to send us over to Childrens Hospital, CHP, and did. After a two hour wait, I had my second ambulance ride. Once there they drew blood and put a spinal collar on Liam. They found me a pump and eventually we tried to bottle feed him because breastfeeding a baby with a collar is nearly an act of contortion. They gave him a line for iv, and hooked him up for an EKG. We now knew we'd be staying the night for observation. We waited. By 6pm we headed to our room and then Bob went to get Violet. I ordered dinner. We waited until after 8 for his collar to be removed. 

Friends and neighbors brought food and the generosity was amazing. 

Liam and I seem to have healed although I will replay the fall over and over. I'll probably need therapy to not feel guilty my whole life. Tomorrow we head to OHSU as a follow up, but I hope there are no more X-rays or ambulance trips any time soon. 

Over a month

We've been home for over a month now (at least the kids and I). I can't believe how fast it had gone. Sometimes I feel like we've seen and done a lot and other times I fear time is going too fast and I can't squeeze everything in this summer. 

Liam has his check up next week for his head. He is still super fussy and eliminating dairy didn't help so I've added it back in. I guess we're going he grows out of this soon, but I hate to wish away his sweet infant time too. 

Violet amuses us daily with things she will do and be when bigger. Last night she said she has smooth skin but she'll have whiskers like papa when bigger. She starts swim lessons Tuesday and I'm excited for her. 

More conversations with a toddler

Me:next week we are going to a big pool and have swimming lessons, a swimming school. 

V: and you'll come with me?

Me:yes, but on the first day I'll swim with you and on the second day you'll swim with other kids and a teacher because you are so big now. 

V: I'm big enough to learn to drive the car!

Me: On Wednesday you'll go to gramee's and stay the whole night!

V: that is a good idea. 

Later

Me:remember next week we are going to swimming school. (Swim lessons)

V: And I can bring my bath toys!

Me: I don't think so. 

V: that is not a good idea.