Tomorrow

The last few weeks we've been riding that roller coaster again. This year with a bit different kind of flair. One day a body was found outside my office and while we are standing there wondering my (for all intents purpose) boss says she has given notice. Bob is in the middle of his job season and I'm now questioning mine. I can't imagine this office without her, no one can. I want her to be happy, I hope she'll not become to busy to want to visit, to grab coffee, to hug my kids. Slowly parts of her leave the office, the dishes, a table, some decor. Her knowledge, her even temper and thoughtfulness will all be greatly missed. I admire her so much and I hope she knows how much I will miss her. Without her, I wouldn't have had my job the first time let alone this second time. 

Three! And so much more.

Sometimes it takes me longer to post because I feel the need to make it more meaningful, or I want it to be more than just pictures. I want to reflect. I want to gather my thoughts but then when I find a minute, the thought has departed. 

Violet is 3. Three years ago a tiny, needy baby cried and snuggled against us, fell asleep on us, peed on us. Three years later she pees in the toilet, refuses to sleep, cries almost as much, but still loves to snuggle. She tests us and pushes buttons. She drives me up the wall already, but her blond curls, sweet laugh and hugs continue to change my world. 

More growing up

Violet had her 3rd birthday. We ha a conversation like this 2 days a go. 

Me: what do you want to be? (While reading Violet the Pilot)

V: a cat

Me: No, not for Halloween

V: when I grow up like you and daddy?

Me: yes when you are a grown up, what will you want to do or be?

V: I don't know, we'll have to wait and see I guess. 

Birthday pictures soon. 

Burgh

Liam returns to his birthplace. 

Little dinosaur

Our little dinosaur meets a big dinosaur. 

One week

I made it through my first week back at work! Not that my job is hard, I love it, but it is non stop and then the insanity of returning home... Liam is taking a bottle, but naps are still off. Violet is so tired she is in tears for her nap some days. We'll find our groove, I hope!

One month!

We've been in our house one month! We have a few boxes in the basement, but are settled and overflowing. It's good to be back and I start my old job again on Monday!

State Fair

This year we went in the morning, it was great but it meant less family could join. 

Ah these moments!

Violet is very trying but still makes us laugh. 

Hey V, look at the mountains out your window.  "Mommy, they have paint on them!"

She loved eggplant Parmesan and asked for more. When finished she told us she was ready for pie. When it was dished up she ate all her whipped cream and then asked, when pointing to the pie, "What's this?"

Lately she's been asking where we got Liam and when I answer with, "hospital" she asks why. 

The other morning she told me she was born to be an elephant. 

At breakfast she asks,"So what are we going to do today?" At dinner she asks, "How was your day?"

When is your birthday? "I don't know" is it in October? "No it's in Rocktober"

Whew talking about her pajama short pants that we're keeping her awake, "these aren't working"

When hosting a garage sale Violet was going up to everyone and asking, "what's your name?" Most people responded. 

"Mommy you can use my toilet seat, you have a small bum like me"

Crying at night, I go into her room to ask what is wrong. "It hurts my feelings when you leave."

I can't make this up. 

Comfortable?

Moving

For the last 3 months we've been out "at the farm". While I look forward to my little house in "the city" I will miss the view and the peace. 

Our tiny house

3 months from leaving Pittsburgh for what we thought was the summer, we are back in our little house. There is either a gravitational pull or we are rubber bands. Salem to Davis to Salem to Pittsburgh to Salem. I will say I am tired of moving, tired of saving boxes. Let's hope this is it. 

Things I'll miss

Things I'll miss in Pittsburgh:

The friends we made

Museums - science, children's and history mostly. The dinosaur bones and model train set were our favorites. 

JCC 

Walking to playgrounds and the bakery. 

ICAN ladies

Libraries

Maybe even the snow. Some of it some time. 

Blue slide park

Veggie dogs at Dee's

Matza soup from the deli

Whole foods (yes these are everywhere, but not 2miles, 30 now!)

Mom's group - weekly play times and the monthly

Target's covered parking

Pierogies 

Old buildings

What I won't miss

Traffic

Ticks

Not being able to bike

Humidity in the summer

Noise from traffic

The price and difficulty to buy beer

Lack of good pizza

Lack of good Mexican food

What I am not

I am not cut out to be a full time mom. I could fake it with Violet last fall. I had a gym with childcare 4 days a week, a library day and a moms group. Now with two, I struggle to make it out of the house between naps. I struggle to be nice and to be happy. I love my babies, but being with them always is making me not so nice. I also struggle to admit this and to ask for help. I look forward to returning to part time work and I know I will miss my littles, but I hope it helps all of us be nice and happy again. 

To those of you full timers, I salute you. 

Over 2 months

We've now been back here just over 2 months. 

We spent the last 10 days in Sunriver and had an amazing time. 

We also have big news! We get to stay in Oregon. Bob took a position at Western Oregon. Things are complicated, but he'll go back to pack our stuff at the end of the month. My job with the state may come back in temporary form and we have a renter in our house. Lots of changes to absorb but we are excited and relieved. 

6 months ago

I'm sorry this post has taken me so long. 

6 months ago (and a few days) we called our dear friends for a visit and learned one of them was having heart surgery. We took V over and spent an evening with them. We chatted and snacked and he played blocks with V. We hugged and wished him a speedy recovery. He went into surgery on the 23rd just before Christmas. We thought it was a routine surgery but there were complications and a second surgery. His organs began to fail. His kids traveled back home to be with him. He did not wake back up. We grieved for him, for his family. The party after his funeral was full of joy, singing and dancing. 

It was almost easy to forget it all happened since we were 2500 miles away. But now that we are back I feel I am grief stricken again. 

The fall

At the end of April, I fell down the stairs carrying Liam. It was your worst nightmare come true. Every parent fears dropping their baby, but I did. 

I slipped and fell hitting my mid back and tailbone and sliding down at least 4 steps. Liam was in my arms in a swaddle wrap. It unfolded like a yoyo as I frantically grabbed for him. 

Violet was downstairs and I'd gone up to get Liam as he woke from nap. He was already crying. I called 911, sobbing and gasping from the wind being knocked out of me. Then I called Bob. The first responders barely beat him home he rode so quickly to get to us and called a neighbor to watch Violet. They decided to transport me and have Bob drive Liam to be checked out. My first ambulance ride ever. By the time I had X-rays, a bump developed on Liam's head and they wanted to scan him. I couldn't feed him, he was crying, hungry and tired and pinning him down for X-rays was so hard. Then they wanted to send us over to Childrens Hospital, CHP, and did. After a two hour wait, I had my second ambulance ride. Once there they drew blood and put a spinal collar on Liam. They found me a pump and eventually we tried to bottle feed him because breastfeeding a baby with a collar is nearly an act of contortion. They gave him a line for iv, and hooked him up for an EKG. We now knew we'd be staying the night for observation. We waited. By 6pm we headed to our room and then Bob went to get Violet. I ordered dinner. We waited until after 8 for his collar to be removed. 

Friends and neighbors brought food and the generosity was amazing. 

Liam and I seem to have healed although I will replay the fall over and over. I'll probably need therapy to not feel guilty my whole life. Tomorrow we head to OHSU as a follow up, but I hope there are no more X-rays or ambulance trips any time soon. 

Over a month

We've been home for over a month now (at least the kids and I). I can't believe how fast it had gone. Sometimes I feel like we've seen and done a lot and other times I fear time is going too fast and I can't squeeze everything in this summer. 

Liam has his check up next week for his head. He is still super fussy and eliminating dairy didn't help so I've added it back in. I guess we're going he grows out of this soon, but I hate to wish away his sweet infant time too. 

Violet amuses us daily with things she will do and be when bigger. Last night she said she has smooth skin but she'll have whiskers like papa when bigger. She starts swim lessons Tuesday and I'm excited for her. 

More conversations with a toddler

Me:next week we are going to a big pool and have swimming lessons, a swimming school. 

V: and you'll come with me?

Me:yes, but on the first day I'll swim with you and on the second day you'll swim with other kids and a teacher because you are so big now. 

V: I'm big enough to learn to drive the car!

Me: On Wednesday you'll go to gramee's and stay the whole night!

V: that is a good idea. 

Later

Me:remember next week we are going to swimming school. (Swim lessons)

V: And I can bring my bath toys!

Me: I don't think so. 

V: that is not a good idea. 

A lake day

On the farm

We also saw 2 pigs, chickens, turkeys, cows and lots of geese and ducks. The two little lambs sure were cute though!

More toddler times

Violet calls sneezes bless yous. 

The TV is called the radio and she'd like to watch pictures on it. 

Here she is reading a book in the bumbo. 

Enjoying her first root beer float (and then the mile walk home)

And Easter pictures

Sunny days

Lately there are more sunny days than rainy, although Tuesday it snowed. Winter doesn't want to give up! Since my hard day, we've had mostly 4 hour sleeps (8-12 and then one at 4 or 5 and then 7), we went to a BBQ and we have 19 days until we are home. We've lined up some subletters to cut costs so that takes some stress off. I've also realized our toddler is crazy. Taking off her pjs at night and then getting upset. And the babe will scream and scream when tired. The problem is the craziness and the tiredness happen at the same time and I can only be in one place and I only have 2 arms. Choosing the most needy at that moment is difficult. One on the toilet vs one on the changer, one running naked vs crying in bed, one hungry vs one tired. I mean it is nice to be needed and all... 

Hard day

Yesterday it rained, it was gray, Violet wouldn't nap and Liam was needy. Last night was rough with wake ups at 1,4,6,7. Plus, Violet wouldn't go to sleep and Liam needed (or thought he did) extra feedings before giving up and falling asleep. So today is sunny and still rough. Liam is finally napping, but I had to fight Violet. She peed in her pull up which she hasn't done in a month. I'm on edge and everyone annoys me. I thought the sun would help and it was the weather yesterday making me homesick. I hope my nap helps because I want to enjoy the weather and my misbehaving, crazy toddler again. May we all sleep better tonight so we can tolerate each other tomorrow. 

Violet's funnies

We call them vs Violet calls them

Crumbs= crumbles

Ribs=ribbons (as in your rib cage)

And what does her blanket smell like? Polk dots, yes polk dots. 

Just In case you missed it, the song is Yankee Noodle Dandy. 

Liam's story

It took me a while to come to terms with Violet's birth and I blogged about it eventually. Now here is baby brother's story of entering the world.
I woke up at 3:30 am on February 27. I had had acupuncture and my membranes swept on the 25th, his due date. I had cramping that day but then nothing on the 26th. Well then we had bad mexican food that night and I woke up early the 27th. I woke Bob up at 4 when the contractions seemed regular, painful and too hard for me to keep track of on my own. I showered in between painfull moments while he woke my parents, and called the midwives and then he showered and I ate part of a banana while trying to relax between stabbing pains that were coming very quickly. I could barely get my shoes on, as if that wasn't hard enough before contractions! My dad drove us to the hospital and we called our doula. It was now around 5:30 and it was maybe 20degrees out. I couldn't walk to the door of the hospital, my contractions were super close, so Bob found a giant wheelchair in the lobby and we headed inside. We checked in and I was struggling to change my clothes. I was 8cm!! I had been 4cm at my last appointment. So yes, I was in labor. They admitted me and moved me to a delivery room, it was now 6:30 or so. I could barely move, the contractions were fast and hard and I wasn't getting a break between them. With Violet I blamed it on the pitocin, but now I'm not sure but that might be how my body deals with a pushing a baby out. At 7, our doula arrived and the midwife left to catch another baby while the midwife intern stayed with us. I was now at 10cm and they were telling me I could start pushing. I pushed and I pushed. Liam was past any point Violet ever got to. I pushed 3-5 times with each contraction. I tried different positions, I made noises I had never heard myself make before. Bob stayed by my head, always reassuring me and offering water, chapstick or other small comforts. My doula was on the other side encouraging and cheering me on and then when Liam's heartrate dropped, handed me the oxygen mask between contractions. After 2 hours of pushing, close to the max allowed for a VBAC, they brought in a doctor and discussed using a vacuum, he couldn't decide how to turn his head, this was also discussed with Violet and was seeming a bit too familiar. After each push a baby retracts slightly, 2 steps forward then one back. The vacuum would prevent the back step. Although this time, a vacuum might help. The doc tried a local numbing procedure that I do not think worked (he doubted it would because of Liam's position). It was incredibly uncomfortable. I could see things in the mirror above me, almost like an out of body experience, some things I may not want to remember. By now it is almost 10, a c-section has was mentioned once and I had mentioned an epidural once before the vacuum, but we decided against it. The vacuum was a like a suction cup on a hand pump and it started to help. Soon you could tell what color hair Liam had! near 10:30 I began pushing almost continuously after an episiotomy and finally his head was out. The relief was incredible, the second push for the shoulders was almost too easy! He didn't cry at first, he had a lot of mucus, but then we heard him. The placenta was also easy to deliver compared to the giant head. I had a second degree tear that needed stitches, Bob was so relieved he started to cry. There may have been a bit more blood than what was expected, by him. There were around 10 people in our room for the last half hour, some for the baby, but most for me. I think everyone wanted a VBAC that morning.
The healing over the next week was rough. I didn't expect that much discomfort in standing or walking, sitting I understood, but no one mentions walking! My c-section was so emotional that I forget how hard the physical recovery was. Liam's birth was almost all physical, I can type this and talk about it without crying, something I'm only just recently able to do about Violet's. I am thankful for both experiences and thankful to not go through either of them again.
Just FYI, It turns out Liam's head was in the 97%.

Women

There are lots of special women in my life from those I'm related to (blood or marriage) to those I've known a short time to those I went to school with. The help, love, meals and texts from them have all been valuable during pregnancy and after Liam's arrival.

At a moms group today I mentioned we'd be back in Oregon for the summer (which we are looking forward to), but I realized I will miss my new friends, friends from the JCC and moms groups. I feel we have these double lives to lead. But I also realize that I need both theses lives. I need those of you back home to check in on me, to not forget us in this Midwest-east coast vortex and I need the ladies here until I can get back home. Thank you for not forgetting us. 

4 of us

It is strange to think there are 2 little people in our house now. 

The babes

First time to watch them both! Usually Liam is in our room with us. 

Liam

At 10:35am on Feb 27, Robert William McMillan Reinhardt joined our family! Today, we brought him home. 

Sleeping beauty

She cracks me up!

Nearing the end

With less than 2 weeks until my due date, I'm filled with a range of emotions. From joy to fear (meeting him vs sleepless nights) from happy to sad (about no longer being pregnant) from heartburn to hunger, from hurry up and break water to wait for grandma to get here. Each day I wonder, I wait, I try to rest and I try to prepare myself for what will come soon. I hang on, but I let go too. 

Chores

Violet helps with chore list. 

Little Funny Things

It snowed last night so Violet thought we should go see Christmas lights. 

She calls us by our first names occasionally. 

She told me today that when baby brother gets here he can use her markers. 

She wants peanut butter on everything, today it was a blueberry pancake. 

Violet will stand behind Lulu when Lu is wagging her tail and Violet then says, 'She's wagging me.'

Her favorite story right now is in Richard Scarry's book 'What Do People Do All Day' and it has a Dr. Lion that takes a girl's tonsils out while her mom gives birth to her baby brother. 

She is still singing Jingle Bells. 

She was yelling at Bob to stop dancing. 'No daddy, no. I no like it. '

Dinosaurs

Today's outing was the natural history museum. Bank of America has a museum day the first full weekend of the month, so we show our Alaska Air credit cards and get in for free! Bob and I went for a date day this fall and Violet has been with Bob, but this was the first as a family. She likes the dinosaurs so that was our focus, but they are simply too big to capture in a photo, my apologies. 

Maybe an archeologist? 

Cold

It's been really cold here and I know a lot of mom's don't take their kids out because it is too cold, but that is so hard! Don't get me wrong, she didn't get to go for a walk or play in the snow until it was above 20. But here are some images of just how cold it was. 

These are taken from the science center looking at the river and downtown. 

And the other day when it was warm enough to play. 

Science Center

Today's outing was the Carnegie Science  Center.